1st Sept (part 1) - Arachnophobes

I know many of you have been wondering how I would get on with spiders. Let's face it I have a real thing about them. Just typing this is making my skin crawl. I had to have hypnotherapy before moving into a thatched cottage as I knew they'd be everywhere, you just need to look at the pretty webs on a thatch in the dewy mornings to know you're not alone. The hypnotherapy did help as I no longer hyperventilated, jumped onto the nearest off the ground object and broke into a sweat whilst breaking down in tears. It did seem to gradually wear off and my spidy sense still kicks in nano-seconds before one runs across the floor (oh God I'm having another palpitation). It's their evil stance with their pointed legs up above their bodies, their erratic movements and their 8 eyes looking at you and their big pointy teeth waiting to sink into your neck...sorry I digress.

Yes anyway in the open spiders are fine, in fact they are my friends and I openly encourage them to lay around my patch, as they control the insect population and keep all the nasties off my veg. Yes they are good. They will not be so good when I have a shed. They will not be living in there and I shall paint all the freshly plaster-boarded walls white so that I can spot them easier. Sorry, sided tracked again. I am therefore in a state of equilibrium with these 8 legged, er lovelies!

Saturday morning, not 6:30am I'm sad to say, Amy and I set off with tools in boot to get stuck in. In no time at all I'd filled the 2 tonne dumpy bags and a little while longer we had chopped up the branches into manageable sizes. Tonne bags filled with weeds weigh a lot but having breakfasted on boiled eggs, cold meats and coffee, we both seemed to have the energy and pulling power of oxen and somehow managed to (wo)man-handle all the bags into the back of my car!

It was a warmer day than expected and we had over dressed so decided to make a pit-stop home and shed our trousers, winter socks and walking boots for shorts and trainers.

All changed we got back in the car and took off for Pinhoe Recycle Centre which is a mere 7 miles and 17 minutes away. In hindsight this 10 minute stop was a timely mistake.

As we were driving along Rockbeare Straights, I happened to regale my relationship with spiders to Amy, who was also less keen on them in enclosed spaces as I was. Fond memories came flooding out and I admitted that when I'm in a car I never pull down a sun visor for fear of one dropping out. No word of a lie, we both looked up at my visor and there was a spider! A car is an enclosed space! Arghhhhhhhhh! Thankful for the layby rapidly approaching, I screached to a halt. Jumped out of the car, leaving Amy fumbling to find some way to capture the spider. All of our sweet stash was thrown out of our tuck box and we used that to coax the spider into and then out of the car. I found him a new home in the hedge but dedicated as I am to my blog I took a photo first. It was bloody huge!

Heart rate returning to normal, off we set again, chuckling to ourselves and commending each other on our bravery. Stupidly I then uttered the words at how horrible it would be to have one dangling in front of you when you are driving and as I wad doing a little hand gesture of a spider swinging down from the car roof in front of my face, I was suddenly aware of Amy's silence. Silence and a slight turn of her head and eye movement upwards, upwards and behind my head. So subtle were these movements that they positively screamed out at me! My heckles went up, I was practically through the windscreen I was that far off my seat back. I handbrake turned into a half built road, screeched to a halt, kicking up dust and newly laid tarmac and got outta there before you could say Charlotte's Web! Sweets out on the floor, Spider number 2 safely deposited in a new home.

This was a tense 7 mile journey but we were now just at the traffic lights ready to turn right and in to the dump when Amy said, "at least these have been slow walkers. There's one above the bags in the baaaaa..." Holy cow, this one had suddenly turned into Mo Farah and was heading our way at a speed of light! Amy looking and acting like the Greek Goddess Soteria, did indeed offer deliverance and safety by capturing Mo. Without fear and showing nothing but strength, we made it to the dump in one piece but with a few less passengers!

(I should end it there but there was a fourth. When we'd emptied the car and done a thorough check of the inner car roof and surrounding area, I jokingly said "I'd better check your sun visor Amy, just in case...uh huh, number 4!)